Welp. You clicked the link. And I’m crossing my fingers that “you” are not just my mom (hi mom!) because we all know she HAS to read it (it’s in the mom rule book).
Motherhood. Let’s start there. Because “there” is what brings me here. To you, to the Internet, to a blog.
Okay pause. I’d like to state the obvious. I’m not the first mom who decided to find the time she didn’t have and take a whirl at the ‘ole blogging thing. But it’s because of those other mamas that I got through late night breastfeeding, piles of laundry, and never ending dishes. This #momlife thing is no joke, but I’ve learned a lot about life, love, and how to sneak snacks during naptime from mamas I only know through their Instagram-filtered photos.
Motherhood is a journey. I knew it would change me, I assumed it would make me better, and I couldn’t wait for the overwhelming love I’d been told about. It all happened. Even though I became a mother long before Rose’s BIRTHday, there’s nothing quite like the first time you meet the beautiful baby you created.
But a LOT more happened that I wasn’t expecting. Not so wonderful things, like post partum hair loss. Extra wonderful things, like feeling my heart nearly burst just because my daughter gave me a hug. Motherhood opened my eyes to a new world. A cloth-diapering, baby girl headband obsessed, and (apparently) mom blogging world.
My biggest struggle in my new found beautiful calling of motherhood is feeling like I’m enough. I work much less, meaning I make much less money. Every day I love the (almost) stay-at-home mom gig more and more, but at the end of the day I look around and wonder…am I’m doing enough?…what did I accomplish?…did I do a good job?
My husband is always quick to remind me that I kept a toddler alive, and that I’m doing great things. But in our world success is money and status, tangible things that show others “I’m better”. I’ve been spending the last 16 months wrestling with what that means for me, for anyone. God had such big plans for us, and they never measure up to the world’s standards. I’ve been humbly learning to let go of my perfection and live in the moment. To see the fruits of my mothering in the most ordinary moments every day (like when Rosie counts to 3, or stops to say “Amen” in the middle of lunch). I’ve come to see that success is not money, or owning the nicest things. It’s love. It’s doing what you can, with what you have, and knowing that it is more than enough.
It’s also remembering to buy bananas at the grocery store and to turn Elmo on because those are the ONLY ways you are of any help to a toddler. Promise.
So I guess I’m not here just to talk about motherhood. I’m here to talk about life. I’m here to share my journey. My ultimate goal is to get to Heaven one day, and everyday I try and become more worthy of that goal. Join me, won’t you?